I wanted to see you today.

I’m glad I didn’t see you. I don’t want to see your face.

I feel delighted hearing your name mentioned.

It is feels like a curse, when your name mentioned they open up a bad memories.

I missed you.

I’m done with you.

I hope you’re living a happy life.

Did you see how was I’m doing with my life?

You changed me.

I was a ruin, my mind ruined, my heart was a mess. Because of you.

Did I ever cross your mind ever since?

Do you think I don’t have a right to shout out that I’m hurt because I hurt you first? You leave me. The person who made me felt that I had a meaning in someone else’s life for the first time. I was like this leaf floating on river, following where the stream goes like ant other leaves, but now I want to swim back across the stream to the place where I can be happy. I could have stay floating and find a mild happiness, but I want that same happy feeling, a genuine happy feeling, that would last with me years after years in bad situation. I’m a fool for looking back, unaware of my surrounding. I had a grip on a new genuine happiness, but I didn’t grasp it tightly.

I’m a fool.

I’m sorry to the present.

Humanity (?)

Have you ever question humanity?

I remember a quote or a question from a Leonardo DiCaprio movie, Black Diamod. Very interesting movie. He play as as Dannie Archer in the movie.

Danny Archer: Sometimes I wonder… will God ever forgive us for what we’ve done to each other?

There is another line after that question, but I’ll leave it at that and let anyone who are an internet jumper who jumped at a misfortune and deserted in this blog answer it.


The 29th of February

Setelah selama 15 tahun berlatih dan makan sosis So Nice, waktu untuk Leo bawa pulang piala Oscar akhirnya datang.

Leonardo Dicaprio FINALLY won his Oscar!


Di hari ke 29 bulan Februari! Selamat, Leo! Setelah menunggu, menunggu, dan menunggu selama 12 tahun, akhirnya kamu bisa bawa pulang piala Oscar. Speech dia juga kelihatan sangat lancar. Just don’t throw the Oscar to the deep blue sea, trust me, this isn’t a dream, Leo.

Sama seperti Leonardo Dicaprio yang menang Piala Oscar di hari yang datang 4 tahun sekali ini, gue, Dewi Puspitasari, dikasih ijin buat belajar nyetir mobil. After years of asking, and asking, asking, I finally got the permission. Sebenernya bukan dikasih ijin sih, tapi lebih ke maksa biar dikasih ijin. Gue nekat belajar sama sodara ipar gue dan oom gue.

Minggu kemaren, gue belajar nyetir sama sodara ipar, oom, dan anak perempuan oom gue. Gue baru 2 kali belajar nyetir sama sodara ipar gue, minggu kemarin kali pertama gue belajar nyetir sama oom gue. Oom gue ini dulu punya pengalaman bawa bus antar provinsi, jadi keahliannya udah ga diragukan lagi.  Dia bilang gue termasuk salah satu natural driver, siap naik ke level berikutnya, turun ke jalan. Ga tahu aja si oom, saking lebeletnya pengen nyetir gue udah research duluan di YouTube. Bertahun-tahun, sodara-sodara! Bertahun-tahun gue cuma bisa latihan pake piring dan timun di depan monitor.

Sejak SMA kelas 3, which is I believe I was already in legal age to drive any motor vehicle, gue udah minta diajarin nyetir mobil sama bokap gue. Tapi entah kenapa bapak always hesitated to teach me. He keep pushing my brother/sister to learn first, which at that time both of them, does not have any desire to learn driving.


Hello, internet people!

You’re an arse.

You are a fictional character of my mind that, I, “magically” turn you alive in this blog as a persona of my other self because I’m that lonely, so please, language. By the way, kita perlu pilih nama yang okeh buat lo.

You sound crazy and desperately lonely. Why we need to name me?

Because I said so. Now, gue bakal mulai blogging dan lo mulai pilih nama. Go surf the internet. Jangan tenggelam.

Internet, here I come!

Sebenarnya selama ini banyak sekali postingan blog yang udah gue tulis, tapi semua cuma tersimpan manis di draft. Kenapa ga gue publish? Mungkin karena materi di dalamnya so dark and depressing. Gue ga yakin postingan semacam itu pantas ada di blog ini yang isinya curhat colongan dan jungkir balik kepala gue.

Sorry to inform you, tapi Master sekarang juga lagi curhat.

Yeah, I know. Shut up. Udah dapet nama?

Gimana kalo Samantha?


Iya, kayak di film Hers.

No, I won’t name you Samantha. We are NOT and WILL NOT have you named Samantha.


Gue ga mau punya romantic relationship with my own mind.


Find another name.

So yeah, blog ini dari awal pembuatannya emang buat curcol terselubung sebagai “teman” yang nemenin gue di saat gue beradaptasi di tempat baru dan lingkungan baru. Seeing the world in different point of view. Lepasin pikiran liar gue menjalar bebas. It was always fun, but it gradually became darker as time goes by. Gue ga suka itu.

Is it part of growing up?

Old. Growing old. It’s growing older in your case now, Master.

Kenyataan ini pahit.