My Confession

Hi again! I remember one my favorite blogger said that if you want to writing in our blog, write the strongest feeling that you have when you want to write. Then I think, what is my strongest feeling now? While writing this post, I’m playing my music playlist on my computer no longer I realize what my strongest feeling and this is my strongest feeling:

I want to write something about the truth, the truth about my life, something that really happened in my life. Have you ever think about something then it become real? It happens to me. One day, I’ve ever think that my friendship will end and you know what? It’s coming true. My friendship between me and my friend ended. Because I’m stupid. I did something that I shouldn’t do. I broke my promise (again). She didn’t trust me anymore. My fault. I have say sorry to her but she didn’t want to forgive me (until now). Many time I say sorry to her but she didn’t want to listen to me, she didn’t want to listen my reason why I did that, why I broke my promise. Until now, I tried to keep a contact with her, I send a message to her but she didn’t reply it, I called her phone but she didn’t answer. This is happen for a year (until now), now I give up and let it flow. Nothing I can do for make her forgive me.

I tried not to think my problem, I make myself busy, I follow many organization in my university, I follow many event, but I still can’t forget my problem (until now). I tried not show to the other that I want crying, I give my smiling face to the other without they know I’m crying inside, but it make my chest hurt. The worst is I tried to blame my choice to get a college in Semarang not in Jogja, I blame everyone even I blame her. But I know that wrongs. The blame is on me.

Now, this problem make me trauma. I trust her 110% but she doesn’t trust me like me.  Now, I can’t trust my friend 100% or maybe I don’t want trust anyone, anymore. Trust is valuable for me, I don’t give it just like that. It takes long time to make me trust to someone. It not only causing my mind sick but my body too, I got insomnia.

I just can pray to Allah to over this. I can’t handle it anymore. But I don’t need to felt pity from everyone. Just give me your back to me or your shoulder to cry on.

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